Masen, Alec, and Melanie are playing hacky sack in the grass
near my truck. I go straight for my door, trying to get away, but Masen jogs over.
“You wanna stay and . . .” He motions to the other players.
“Nah, I’m not very good.”
“Well, we’re heading to The Wedge . . . Alec’s driving, but
. . .” Masen drifts off and shoves his hands in his pockets. He wants me to
drive him over and stay to watch? I can’t believe this. How did this happen to
me? Why am I so stupid? And why is he so incapable of figuring this out? Is it
because of his parents’ influence or because he’s a boy or what? Because I know
he gets good grades. It can’t be that he’s lacking in brain cells. Then again,
he did smoke pot . . . with her.
The thought of Alice makes my body tense up. The memory of Alice
“You know what?” I say, my tone straight.
“Hmm?” he asks all stupid and smiling.
“I can’t do this anymore, Masen.”
“What?” he asks.
“This . . .” I say, pointing between the two of us.
His brow furrows, and he takes a step backward, shaking his
head.
“I can’t—I never—you left me last week just when we were
about to—”
“When?” His voice is so quiet. The area surrounding us has
grown quiet too, and Alec and Melanie are staring.
“On Friday I wanted to talk to you, and you just--”
“We were done talking. You gave me your . . .” He points up
to my bun. Oh goodness. I gave him a white flag in the form of a pencil.
“I didn’t mean to—look, it’s fine. We’ll just be friends. I
just can’t do this anymore. I need—”
“What?”
I look down at my Vans, see the writing, and the tears flow.
I’m so tired of being angry, lonely, and mean. I can’t do it anymore. I hate all
of those things about me.
“Bella, what?”
I can’t answer him. If I do, I’ll really start crying.
He moves toward me and lifts my face with both his hands.
His eyes shift back and forth over my own. “You’re crying.” His voice is so
gentle, it hurts. I want this – him – so bad, but it won’t work.
“I need more, Masen. It’s just not enough.”
“But—”
“I’m sorry.” I pull his hands from my face and without
another word, hop in my truck and drive home, my vision blurry from tears.
***This excerpt is unbeta'd. Please forgive any errors.
Chapter Playlist . . .
Chapter Picteases . . .
Masen's Notebook Entry . . .
HE'S HAPPY!!!!!!!!!
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